Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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