Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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