No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
