New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
