I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
