I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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