The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
