Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
