mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
