Dude my mom stole all your condoms
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
