We're like a lot better than the average bears
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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