listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
