All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
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He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
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in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
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