I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
