Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
