I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
