Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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