Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
