You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
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