i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Can you bring me the toilet please
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
