Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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