and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The air was thick with penises
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
This is classic penis vs brain.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
