New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
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