SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Someone signed my nipple.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
