I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
