Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
