He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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