she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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