Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
