Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
