yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
