and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
