I cockslap morals
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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