I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
