My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
