I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
