can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Success! We fucked roommates!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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