...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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