you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
