So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
