My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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