so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
