Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
