ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
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so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
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Someone came in the potted fern
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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