Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
