Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
