a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Shitshow foam night was such a success
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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