She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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