there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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