He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
