There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
