Where is the hickey?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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