He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
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