1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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