is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
