sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
we're so committed to being not committed
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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