Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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