Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
