Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You left your phone here
Wait...
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