my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize