i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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