Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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