It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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