took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
