So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
