My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
